When I was kidnapped …!
I had one of the most painful experiences of my life when I was kidnapped. For around 20 days I was locked in a room which hardly had sunlight making its way inside. A complete silence 24/7 except a couple of seconds each day when some breads were thrown inside my cell by my captivator. I was like an animal locked in a cage, nowhere to look, nothing to hear and totally disassociated from the outside world.
After few days of complete perceptual isolation, I started displaying various abnormal behaviours. I could just see diffused light with no shape. I started having visual hallucinations and dream like disassociation. I was disoriented in time and space. I was unable to think logically and clearly. I totally lost my thinking and cognitive abilities. The frustration level rose to the stage that I started displaying hostility towards myself to the extent of causing physical injury to myself. The motor effects ranged from occasional tense pacing, restlessness and sense of inner tension with noise making, yelling, banging and assaultiveness at one extreme, to a kind of regressed, dissociated, withdrawn hypnoid and reverie-like state at the other.
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I was emotionally ruined and ready to oblige any ways to ensure my freedom. I was reduced to a vegetative state where I could be brain washed and made to do any duty assigned. After twenty days of extreme torture, I was finally released unconditionally. However, those days left an indelible mark upon my personality. My sleep pattern remained disoriented for several months. A sense of low self-worth, shame and loneliness developed within myself. I suffered from mental depression and withdrew myself from social interactions. I kept on feeling as if I am all alone in this world. Loneliness had been my companion since that incident and now, I enjoy that.
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