Why Marriages Fail?
Marriages are made in heaven, that’s what they say. But if so, why do such heavenly intervention in our lives fail. If a man opens the door of the car for his wife, either the wife is new or the car! But things change gradually with our own sins prevailing over our lips and body language. There are few sinners which spoil the climate without our conscious realization. Some of them are as under:
- Criticism and Fault finding: Partners feel nagging and complaining as an integral right after marriage. Issues are not hard to find over which; complaints can go for length. But they hardly realize that this constant complaint regarding all the positive efforts ultimately leads to behavioral passivity and emotional bluntness.
- Behavioral Control: Partners try to control and change the long nurtured interests and behavior of the other. In an institution like marriage, certain behavior of the partner is bound to create irritation and disturbance for the other. Any effort to make change in this regard causes anxiety, tension and clashes. You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their actions. One should learn to accept the partner in totality along with all the sins and foes.
- Defensiveness and Blame Game: You will lose despite winning the battle. The couple should learn the art of battle as they learn the art of love making. Good battle is objective and honest- never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive and brings to marriage, the principle of equal partnership.
- Contempt: Scorn, disrespect, disregard and taunts chill the mutual ties ultimately getting it loose and break off. Trying to crush the ego of your partner will head you no where. Even if their behavior is different from your principles, policy of behavioral neutrality is better than the principle of constant contempt.
- Stonewalling and evasiveness: The above factors, consequently leads to emotional insulation which further deteriorates the relationship. This aloofness needs to be broken with intelligent and empathetic approach.
One should always be happy, optimistic and behave as a problem solver. Emotional self awareness, impulse control and adaptability are the key to successful marriages.
Of course one should marry! If you get a good partner, you will become happy, if you get a bad partner, you will turn philosopher. It’s a win win situation.