Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a mechanism through which a person tries to acquire a coercive control over the other. The abuser adopts a number of strategies to exercise this control. Some are mentioned as under:

 Language

1. Abuse
2. Telling lies
3. Leaking private information
4. Playing mind game using words

 Physical Violence

1. Hitting
2. Scratching
3. Shaking
4. Physical Force

Sexual Coercion

1. Forced Sex
2. Refusing birth control
3. Forced contact despite STD
4. Making sexual comments

Threatening

1. Threat of physical violence
2. Threat of suicide
3. Threat of police complaint
4. Threat of financial insecurity

Denial and Blame Game

1. Denial of any coercion
2. Undermining the incidents
3. Blaming the victim for the disarray
4. Blaming other factors like alcohol, drug or stress

Intimidation

1. Looks, action and gestures
2. Smashing, destroying or stealing assets
3. Abusive language
4. Weapon display

 Technology

1. Sending disturbing messages
2. Breaking into social network
3. Using mass media as a tool of coercion
4. Sexually loaded communication

Use of Social Standing

1. Use of high connections
2. Job profile
3. Money power
4. Social circle

Many intermediary occurrences might convince the abuser towards reconciliation, which may be tried through various strategies mentioned as under:

1. Hearts and flower approach
2. Super-Dad approach
3. Revival approach
4. Sobriety approach
5. Counselling approach
6. Sympathy approach

Why victims don’t leave their partner?

1. Children
2. Society
3. Attachment despite abuse
4. Financial insecurity
5. Fear of loneliness
6. Sympathy with the abuser
7. Lack of familial support
8. Threat of police complaint

When should you decide to quit?

It is estimated that 95% of domestic assault are committed by men. This state of abuse may start in any normal relation, including normal persons over a period of time. There are certain CODE RED signs which one needs to identify while deciding the final quit. Some of them are mentioned as under.

• Jealousy
• Threat of violence
• Use of force during arguments
• Altogether different core-values
• Use of past incidents as ammunition to present fight
• Keeping scores in relationships
• Enjoyment and justification of fight
• Refusal to change
• Use of ‘I/ME/MY’ instead of ‘WE/US’
• Feedback insulation and absolute belief of right self stand
• Bad relation with family of self

None of the above is a rule absolute. Nobody is perfect. If you are eyeing this article, there might be something wrong in your relation. Also there lie a chance that you would find a few of the above mentioned points in your relation.

But always remember, relations are precious. If you can’t strengthen them, please don’t loosen them too.

Time is the biggest healer and preacher,

An optimist mind conquers the world!